A and B

so, there is this setting, we only have two main characters A and B, all other characters are very secondary and irrelevant.

i am A.

we leave B undisclosed.

okay so A initially is sovereign and doesn't want anything. he crosses paths with B, who accidentally is very ok, and that is it. A is A, and lives happily in his A's world.

yet a sudden and inevitable thing happens out of A's control.

at some point A finds out he has profoundly fallen for B, without wanting to fall for anyone at any moment. it just happened, and A realizes that denying it would be foolish, foolish in a bad way, like denying some obvious evident truth or fact about nature.

don’t get me wrong, B is objectively great at all levels, yet it isn't this objective value or anything tangible that draws A to B, but a profound conviction that there is something inside B that only A can appreciate and enjoy, in the right way, in a way no other one could ever do or see (that hidden stone Syd Barrett sings about).

A finds B's presence comforting, yet B is walled behind the highest walls. all the keys and locks in the world couldn't open B's gates. by definition, B is unassailable.

it turns out A had some insights about B, without B knowing. i'm quite unsure if B has insights about A apart from what A voluntarily disclosed.

yet those insights A has are fragmented and incomplete, mostly useless, confusing, and very disturbing to A. however, nothing exactly out of this world for A. still, they are quite unpleasant to A, to put it mildly, really not game-changing but some minor inconveniences.

insights don't change the fact of the inner truth of A, who is deeply convinced that inside, B would also be able to see his truth.

so A makes a supposition that, although very remotely, maybe unconsciously B recognizes A the way A recognizes B.

yet it can't be said that A is always kind, approachable, and easy to engage with, which had already marked the A-B dynamic unfavorably for what A wants by the time when A finds out his private truth about B.

so A starts in a bad position, and slowly but surely, step by step, A starts to find out he wasn't wrong in his assumptions.

his own assumptions about himself, his small inner truth; each day he sees it a little bit more clearly.

he likes metaphor. he likes writing. A likes to pretend that B reads him, because otherwise it would all be quite pointless, to say the least.

A is hopeful that one day, one by one, the locks, the gates, the walls, will go falling and fading, and finally A could enter the same space as B and talk about this special soul gemstone he found. obviously lowkey, but A wants the secret soul gemstone; he isn't there for less.

A believes that metaphorically he is already there or very close. A would like to think that B is just a tiny inch apart (because it would be too presumptuous to assume that A lives rent-free in B's mind, which by the way is a very specific possibility...).

A wants to make B see that apart from metaphor, there are huge possibilities for both of them to explore, which could be at least as intriguing or even more than what they already saw.

A is truly desperate to know if B sees him. he wants a sign, because to A, this story only has interest from the perspective of A and B.

this is where the current understanding of A stands. if it is B there, it is something spectacular and much brighter than A was ever expecting to find. the reality hugely exceeded A's expectations, and A will go for the 'stone from your heart' until B shows it. if it isn't B, well, that's probably the saddest personal event for A.

as you see, A is on a continuous edge between heaven and hell. he is very strongly compelled to believe B is always on the other side, but even the tiniest doubt makes A see that the height is huge and the fall down is brutal.

so hope you are B, you are well, and your heart is strong. hope we could sooner than later meet and talk things gently, those things we never talked.